Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
