I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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