dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
