One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
