remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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