Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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