omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
