I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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