Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
