I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
