last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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