I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
