Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
