Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
