My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
