dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
