if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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