dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
