Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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