I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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