Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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