singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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