I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
