i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
