last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
