Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
