You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
