A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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