I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
