Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
