I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
