whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
