I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
