we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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