there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
