Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
