I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
