oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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