Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
