he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
