Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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