I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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