i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All the doctor said was why
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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