Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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