i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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