Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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