So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
