he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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