he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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