Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He shit in the fireplace
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
