we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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