i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
