I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
