He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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