There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
