I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
