Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
