I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
