I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
