can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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