allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize