I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
