They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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