I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dicks are not precious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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