Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
