remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
