Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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