i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
